So, there I was, interviewing for another company. I had a decent job but just applied to see how it would go. A week later, I find out I didn't get the job. A week after that, I find out that my existing job is over. My contract is up. I'm out. Shit.

Now, I have no job, no money and am up the creek, so to speak! I must admit, I haven't felt this rubbish in a long time. I've never had a day in my life where I've woken up and had no reason to even get out of bed.

I spend all day searching the web, talking to agencies and hoping that someone, anyone, will call just to break up my day for 5 minutes....all spent in my dressing gown. I'm sure I'm going to turn into a hermit pretty soon. I'll be the woman who just never leaves her house and peers out the window at her neighbours to get some small level of excitement in her life.

My deadline is 3 months. I have enough cash to keep me going till then and it be at that point, if I have no work, I will be admitted to the Priory.

One last point to make....if there are any people reading this who work in recruitment agencies...call your candidates back!!! We apply for work, get a first call from YOU guys about a job YOU get us all excited about, then we wait, and wait, and wait to hear from you, we end up calling you, you tell us we were rejected, we cry A FUCKING WEEK LATER.

Phewwww, nice to get that off my chest. So, cross fingers for me, infact cross everything for me as I sit here, checking my email for the thousandth time today hoping an agency has returned my emails.

So, still not heard about the job application yet. I'm hoping to get some news tomorrow. Getting a bit nervous about it now. I don't feel anywhere near as confident as my last application (I got the job!!)...we'll see.

Had a fairly pointless work day, drove for 3 hours for a 2 hour meeting to get information that could have been emailed to me. Wonderful. Planning a very lazy admin day tomorrow. I always do my best work in my pajamas!

I'm sitting at home, waiting for the other half but doesn't look like he'll be back much before 8pm. Damn it.

I'm feeling like I'm doing nothing of any worth right now. Need to do something really spectacular and realise it. Tomorrow could be that day.

I went for a job interview today. I've not been actively looking but a great role came up and I thought I'd go for it. I ended up being late....wind apparently means people can't drive...and got grilled. Thank god that's over with. The man was like a closed book and I've walked out with no idea how I've done. Well, I guess I'll find out later this week.

I'm sitting in one of my businesses, getting increasingly pissed off watching the staff. I'm about to have a meeting but all I can think of is I want to go home!! I think I'll be out about 9pm and get back about 11pm. Rubbish!!! It's even worse when your other half works a 9-5 job and you know he's sitting at home watching tv eating dinner and you're on the M25. Hence the need for a better job!

I've been playing this new and slightly odd game with a friend where you pick a random song from your i-pod and add 'in my pants' to the end of the name. These emails have been flying back and forth all day and are the only thing keeping me from cutting myself right now!

Right, off to get even more pissed off with the staff!

Since I last blogged! Infact, it's been well over a year. I have no idea what reminded me of the blog I started straight after leaving my husband but something did.

I can't believe I'm coming close to my required 2 year seperation to get my divorce. I remember at the beginning thinking the day would never come! My life has changed so so much in that time...

I finally stopped the affair I was having just after Christmas 2006. It wasn't going anywhere and as heartbreaking as it was, it just had to end. I spent a few months doing the usual crying and eating chocolate and ended up meeting someone else. My new relationship moved pretty fast and I moved in with him nearing the end of 2007. This has proved to be an amazing thing and he makes me so damn happy. He has a son which has taken some adjusting to but has ended up being fab.

Workwise, I left that company and moved onto a new one doing the same job. This is still the area in my life giving me shit! Working away from home 5 days a week is really taking it's toll on me and oddly enough, I have an interview with another company next week!

Like I said, I have no idea what possessed me to come back to this site today but as we know, everything happens for a reason. Look out for the new life to continue!!!!

So, that's done for another year! Thank god! New Years was fun. Spent it with a group of people that I'd spent Christmas with before I moved away. We went out for dinner then to a friends house to play games! We ended up missing midnight as we were all shouting at eachother due to some unbelievable cheating. I lost all the games!

Due to not getting home till 4am, new years day was spent in a dark, quiet room.

So, back to work today. Got a recruitment event on tonight with no applicants to instead am off to have a meeting to figure out the next step. Joy of joys.

Doesn't feel like I've taken any time off at all. Must book a holiday I think!

Got my hospital appointment for Thursday to see whether my ear is better. I hope they can fix it. Deafness is really starting to piss me off! We'll see.

So, I've spent the last couple of days in the business I opened in December. And I have the biggest crush ever on the manager on the job. He wants me go and work in his business permenately but I have a funny feeling we wouldn't get much work done!

I'm a tad bit old for crushes but man alive do I love the feeling I get when I'm with him. Spent all day on the computer with him drinking tea and smoking...so rare to find a good smoker!

But...as luck would have it...fairly frowned upon to dip the ink in the company well so that's the end of that one!

But each time I see him...I know I'm gonna get that fabulous feeling.

I feel my cheeks flushing even now.

So, today I went to spend the day with my uncle and aunt...my fathers brother. Now, I don't actually have anything to do with my father but his brother pretty much bought me up as one of his own so his wife is kind of like my 2nd ma and his sons are like brothers.

It's the most craziest house in the world. People are always coming over for a cuppa or just dropping in cos there's a roast in the oven. There's no airs and graces, just old school Londoners having a good time.

I always love the atmosphere there and when I manage to get a place of my own, they inspire me to fill it with people, laughter, fun, warmth and love. Everyone's welcome whether it be for a gossip, a story or a shoulder to cry on.

Not just a house.....a home.

So, had my first christmas with my family in a long long time. Normally I work throughout it, even on christmas day (what a shit life I hear you say!). This year, I managed to take it off. It consisted of-

Christmas Eve Eve- travelled to my sisters. Had to go and pick up the christmas dinner from M&S. Now, it's not what I remembered it being. Everything came ready prepared in foil packets which you just threw in the oven. Now, my sisters husband had been going on and on about how he always made the dinner every year...very impressive I thought till I saw its microwavable times. Had a little wonder around the shops trying to find a good present for my special mate while my family quizzed me constantly about him. How do you explain the 'buddy' to your mother and the reason why you won't bring him round for tea and biscuits or the reason why a shirt is not the right kind of gift??

Christmas Eve- went to the cinema with the kid to watch happy feet- now I've never been particularly into kids films but was forced to go along. Now, I've seen a few kid movies like monster inc and shrek but what the hell is happy feet about?? A penguin with dodgy legs and an inability to reproduce set to the theme song of boogie wonderland????? Sheer hell. My sisters husband decided to skip dodgy feet and go to the pub instead. I tried to join him but was not allowed. After cinema, had a rather drunken call to say come down of which we did. As soon we pulled up, sis and hubby had a huge domestic in the carpark. Now this was how I remember christmas! Did the whole leaving out the mince pie with the kid who decided Santa also wanted some coke and chewing gum...don't ask...no idea either. Put kid to bed and ran around house, hunting down hidden gifts.

Christmas Day- didn't change out of my pajamas all day long. Opened enough presents to stock a toys r us for the next year with the kid and happily sat on my arse watching the sisters husband cook dinner. Ate far too much. Watched trash on tv. Played singstar and buzz on playstation. Napped. Watched film. Slept. Perfect.

Boxing Day- starting to get really pissed off with the family now. Left the sisters and took my mum to london to see the sound of music. Decided to do some retail shopping and bought sod all in the sales...all full price. Still, needed a pick me up. Finally got home at 11pm. Slept.

So, today had my last work meeting. Had to go through the next job with the guy who has been chosen to run the job long term. Now, I don't choose the people who do this. I just go into each job for a couple of weeks, get them up and running and toddle off to get the next one going. On each job, I meet the guy or gal who will be running our businesses for the future. Today I met the January guy. Serious reservations. Now, normally I wouldn't really base my thoughts on first impressions but this guy really worries me. Great! Just what I need for the first job of 2007!! I can see this one dragging. I actually have quite an easy month in January. Only one job to do. Makes up for the rest of the year where I'll be happy to get a day off at all! I foresee 2007 being a career focused year. Works for me mind, stops me thinking about everything else.

After the meeting, I thought it really is time to get my christmas shopping done. Everyone who knows me gets how organised I am and for the first time in my life, I didn't get my gifts in November. I rushed about Next, Waterstones and Boots like my life was about to end. Still fairly disappointed in myself for my incredibly awful presents but thats it. Go away to my sisters tomorrow and will spend the weekend getting the brussels ready.

Funnily enough, just can't get into the Christmas mood. I honestly wish I was working like every other year. It's the first time I've spent with my family in 7 years. Never been the family person let alone a christmas person. Just got to keep smiling this year. So much has happened and is still going on...kind of waiting for it to end and the chance of a new year. I really really really hope it's a good one.

So, today still feeling pretty bad. Decided it is time to have my first day off sick. All the bosses are aware of whats happened so are being very good and understanding. Unfortunately, I actually really wanted to go to work today. All the team are meeting up tonight for dinner, drinks and a bit of a boogie as a thank god December is over with. I was not going to be much fun to decided not to go. Really really really pissed off about it but can't be helped.

Instead, sat at home in my pajamas, watching....the preachers wife. Now that is a fantastic depressing Christmas film. So, shed a mini tear watching that in between having a massive admin day starting from 9am till 5pm. Just sat under my duvet making call after call, writing email after email.

I sit here thinking where was my rest! Just can't switch off today. After working away for a couple of weeks, I get back and realise how behind I am on planning for the future jobs. Think I'm fairly caught up now. Just don't want anything hanging over my head whilst I'm trying to spend Christmas with the family. I'll be sneaking into my sister's office to fire off a ton of emails in the middle of the night!

Still feels like my brain exploded and decided to fall out of my ear. Lovely thought I know!!

Right, off to get my rest now....